Wednesday, November 7, 2012

the man in the mirror.

Wow! The times are a changing. This country... and this world. And I absolutely love that we are amidst a revolution!  You have two choices here:  bitch and call each other names and get stuck in the past with your closed mind (which honestly, is this exact thinking that is setting our country back) OR accept, evolve and adapt with the changes (that you can not deny, are actually happening right now!) and help make this world a better, equal  and happier place for everyone, of every nation.
I’m proud to be an American and of the citizens of this great country of love and opportunity.  I’m proud of our President and that I voted and supported him. I wish everyone woke up this morning feeling what I did, but sadly that was not the case. The country is back headed in the right direction. Half of you don’t think so, but it is. I hope one day, you will see that. This was way more than a political fight, and that too, I hope you will one day understand.
It's not just because Obama is the President, like he said in his acceptance speech, the fight is not over. The fight still belongs to us, the people. We’ve spent way too much time and energy campaigning for one man to change the country, but not one man can… nor could he ever. He has an open mind. He has compassion. He knows of the struggles and discrimination's so many people face. He can lead us and he can push us,  but he can’t make us.
The young people, women and minorities won this election and they (we) are the future of this country. One day it’s not going to be a big deal that there is an all-woman political delegation or that a Senator or Representative is gay or Hispanic or disabled… because it’s just the way it is, and should be. Celebrate our differences, but accept them first.
We have to fix our minds and our hearts before we can fix anything else… because at the end of your life, I guarantee you are not going to be thinking about how many taxes you or anyone else paid.  You’re not going to be thinking about two men getting married or who is smoking what and where. You’re going to be thinking about your quality of life, and how you chose to live it. You’re going to regret the things you didn’t do or say and wonder if you did enough to carry you on, to wherever you believe your soul is going to go after your body takes its last breathe.
So I'm asking everyone, and telling (actually screaming at) myself, what Gandhi asked of us all - be the change you wish to see in the world.
"far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. i may not reach them, but i can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead." -louisa may alcott

Monday, August 27, 2012

happy birthday 19th amendment (2012 version)

I just wanted to remind the women of this country when you are at the polls and you are voting against marriage equality, just think about how hard and vigilant the women before you fought for 41 years (did you hear me? 41 YEARS!) to give YOU equal rights and YOU the right to even have that vote. It seemed like a crazy, liberal idea 92 years ago and was rejected for 41 years before it was ratified as the 19th Amendment to our Constitution in August 1920. I hope this fight doesn’t take as long, but I do think our future generations are going to look back on this and be flabbergasted that we even had to have this discussion, just as I am now. We are all humans first and foremost, everything else is secondary… we all deserve the same individual rights regardless of sex, race, religion, social class and sexual orientation. It’s what you do with those rights that determine the kind of person you are and the life you shall live.

“A closed mind is a beautiful thing to lose.”

Saturday, June 9, 2012

you live, you learn.

watching My So-Called Life 18 years after it originally aired and the only time i've ever seen it, makes me realize just how much this single season turned cult classic show shaped my life. not only in 1994, when i too was a sophomore in high school, but i can completely see how it shapes my life even now. the gay best friend, the dying of my hair crazy colors, the lusting after and wanting to fix a broken bad boy (albeit, i'm over this phase, thank goodness)... and especially the brooding-melodramatic-always-in-my-head-daydreaming-hopeful, but never satisfied self.

i think i'm so attached, not only because i can see all the similarities between Angela and myself (side note: Claire Danes who plays the main character, Angela... also an Aries and if there's ever a movie made about my life, she's totally being cast as me) is that around these few years back in the mid-late 90's, is when i grew up. it's like that for everyone. even though we are all so young and high school only last a few years, that age is when we all grow up. just think about in your life, how many times you think about 'when you grew up' or when you starting being 'you.' this is when i started being, i wouldn't say obsessed, but intrigued with people that were different than me. this is when i decided i didn't... i couldn't stay in a bubble anymore. there was just too much out there to learn. how could i know who i was if i didn't know about all the different ways of life?  i wanted to be around people who could teach me something i had no idea about. weather it was a different race, culture, religion, music, movies and even sexuality.

this show especially makes me miss the good ole grunge days. i miss wearing my flannels and listening to Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pill, Nirvana's Nevermind and being the first one to get Green Day's Dookie album (the first CD i ever bought.) i can go buy a flannel, put it on and listen to all those albums on my iPod, so i guess what i'm really missing is just the feeling of that time, being carefree. you had the promise of your whole life in front of you, you could have been anything you wanted to be. man, what great feeling! which also makes me think as i'm streaming My So-Called Life on Netflix on my wireless Blu-ray player on my flat screen HD television, when in 1994, i was still 4 years away from getting my first cell phone (it didn't flip and most definitely wasn't smart)... i realize, even though technology has drastically changed... life really hasn't changed at all.

"it's never too late to be what you might have been."

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

the tide always turns.

We live in a beautiful, free and proud country and from sea to shining sea and there are a wondrous number of examples of opportunity, kindness, generosity and love. But you can’t have the good without having the bad. Yes, even in this great country, we still have poverty, hatred, violence and inequality… but we also possess the power to change these injustices… it’s called voting.

Now I could step onto my soapbox about how it’s a privilege to be able to have a free and open democracy and have the right to vote… but that is not going to change anyone’s mind. You either have the passion or you don’t. You can’t make someone be passionate about something they are not. You can try to educate them, but that’s not going to make them passionate. It’s just going to annoy them. That’s like trying to make someone love you, when they are clearly just trying to break up with you in the nicest way possible. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

This country is divided and gets more divided everyday, especially since it’s election season. We are going down a sad and dark path, but how do we stop it? Can we even stop it? In our country’s young life, we have faced and overcome many challenges and adversities. Just open up a US history book, but even that has been tainted nowadays. We’ve seen the best in people and we’ve seen the worst in people… and we will continue to, that my friends… will never change. But like most everything else in this world, we will evolve and this too shall pass.

It’s most certainly not going to happen overnight, maybe not even in this decade or in your lifetime, and it’s probably not going to be pretty (changing the world usually isn’t) but educate yourself – don’t let others make your opinions for you. When it’s over, we will leave this country and world a better, stronger, braver place… for the next fight.

“Anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intent to throw it. You’re the only one that gets burned.”

...oh, and for the record I do not believe marriage should define you as a person or your rights, just as the government should not define love.

Friday, January 20, 2012

shhh! don't say the 's' word.

I think some (ok, to be honest I think it’s more than some, I think it’s most) people let marriage define them, like they won some contest in life if they get married and have a family. But if you really think about it, it’s an illogical and fair fetched ideal.

In all the billions of people on earth, you expect me to believe that each person that gets married, finds “the one” person that is the ying to their yang. The odds are completely are against us. There are billions of people in the world… how do people think they will find the “one” in the same city as they live in or the same profession or the same college? I’m no statistician, but I can tell you the odds of that happening should be as likely as you winning the Power Ball… twice… in the same month.

But it’s not hard to see in the world we live in with 55 hour marriages to 72 day marriages to Tiger Woods and Jesse James cheating on their wives with hundreds of woman, that not everyone getting married is finding “the one.” So why are they getting married? Yeah, I know… I don’t know either?

Do I think there is someone for everyone… yes. Do I think that everyone is lucky enough to meet that someone in their lifetime… no. Do I think I’m one of those unlucky ones… yes. But the thing is, I don’t feel unlucky… it’s just not for me.

I have been single almost my entire adult life. So here I am after my latest failed romantic endeavor, back to square one, except a little wiser and a little more doubtful. Wiser because I finally have realized who I am… actually, I’ve known for longer than I would ever admit, but I suppose now, I’m finally ready to.

So the truth is, I’m too independent and stuck in my ways to ever succumb and settle for less than the “fairy tale” of a relationship that I have conjured up in my head all these years. I have standards and expectations… and I’d rather be alone than settle for anything less than I deserve or desire. I’d rather spend that time with my friends, my family and living every experience life gives me and being happy just being me.

And that makes me very doubtful about being in love and getting married… in this lifetime anyways... and I’m ok with that. This is a thought not too many people can accept; like an old, dear friend of mine (who is not my friend anymore, that’s completely related to this topic, but for another time) and I once argued over.

She is married and as I’ve learned today and what inspired this train of thought, she is with child. She and I had (and I’m 100% sure, still have) completely different views on love and marriage. She is one of the many people in this world that lets marriage define oneself. And I guess I shouldn’t judge her and the others that need marriage to feel happy and complete… as I hope they don’t judge me for being a strong independent woman, which makes me happy and complete.

We were sitting on her sister’s porch before one of her bachelorette parties or bridal showers, smoking cigars and drinking wine like we always used to do… and we started talking about this very subject and told her exactly what I just told you. I can’t see your face, but she was not as accepting of what I had to say. She swore and wanted to me to confess that everything I said was a lie and that I did want to be married and that I did want kids because obviously, that was so important to her life’s worth. And the best analogy I can give for this situation is something my high school on again/off again boyfriend for 10 plus years once told me and perhaps the best thing he ever said to me…. wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up the fastest.  Of course at the time he said this to me, I wasn’t as rational and wise as I am now but in hindsight, it was some pretty good advice. Jeez, I hope he’s not reading this. I never admitted he was right on anything even though I knew he was.

Do I want to have a life companion to love and who loves me back and all that fluffy romantic crap… yes. Love is one of the best feelings in the world…. notice I didn’t say the best though.  But do I think it’s going to happen to me… no and I don’t think that makes me a spinster, although I do often humorously refer to myself as one.  Hey, people like to pigeon hole you into categories and stereotypes, so they know how to treat you… so I suppose for all intents and purposes, yes… I am a spinster. Thank you Bridgett Jones.

But I have the most awesome friends, a close knit loving family, a great job, a super cute apartment and overall a great life. I’ve been lucky enough to see some amazing places and meet some amazing people in my life… and I would not change one single thing that has happened or not happened to me in my almost 33 years of life. It’s all made me who I am and frankly, I’m a pretty cool chick for being such a dork.

Do I get lonely? Sure, doesn’t everyone once in awhile, spinsters are humans too. If you prick us, we will bleed. But I could be in a room filled with people and I’d still feel lonely. It’s not who you surround yourself with, its how you feel surrounded by others. And honestly, crowds make me nervous. People I don’t know make me nervous. It’s not until you are around me for a long time, does my shell crack and you see my nutty, gooey center.

I guess my point in all this, is that I’m not going to let the idea of marriage or being indefinitely single define who I am… and I don’t think anyone should. I don’t think people get to know themselves as a person before they are already being someone else, like a wife/husband or a mother/father. You don’t know who you are until you is all you have and the only thing that defines who you are… is you.

I’m well into a bottle of wine sitting on the sofa with my stretchy pants on. I’m about to watch a sappy romantic chick flick, like every good spinster and probably cook some food and end up in a garlic induced food coma… and you know why I’m doing this? Because it’s Friday night, I’m single… and most of all… because I can.

“It was in the depths of winter, I found in me, an invincible summer.”