Sunday, September 22, 2013

puttin' on your big girl and boy pants: an open letter to Congress

Dear Congress,

Instead of acting like 5-yr olds pitching a hissy fit (whoa, is that Southern.) and saying you're not going to work (which you should be so thankful you even have a job!) if a reasonable (and it is reasonable) health care reform happens, why don't you just grow the hell up! Put on your big girl and boy pants and act like an adult! We have bigger fish to fry (what? I’m from the South.) in this world than to satisfy your ginormous partisan egos!!

How about deciding and acting on another reasonable issue, like um… gun control? Before you get your little princess and superhero undies in a wod, NO ONE wants to take your guns away (why are you so paranoid in the first place?) we just want to prevent the people who shouldn't have access to them, from getting them. Plain and simple. For I don’t know what reason… maybe to prevent the ongoing tragedies like the Navy Yard shooting? But if you're okay with innocent people dying, then by all means... YOU get a gun, and YOU get a gun and EVEEEERRRRYONNNNE gets a gun. 

While you are sitting all high and mighty in your ivory (pun intended) tower, deciding whether you are going to work or not (and when I saw work… for you, I mean sitting with your thumbs up your pretentious asses); people are starving because they can’t afford food, people are dying because they can’t afford medicine, people are working their asses off to provide for their family, and yes, they might be on government assistance while doing so.

Here’s a thought, (in an alternate universe) if we (the taxpayers) could decide exactly where our tax dollars went, do you realize you would not get paid!? You wouldn't. You would have to rely on the government assistance you took away from the moochers, so surprise! There isn't anyone or anything to help you because you took it away! Congratulations! You now have nothing and will die penniless and alone because your family left you 'cause you were stupid.

I don’t know how in the hell the bunch of you got elected and re-elected in the first place. Oh, yeah. You’re politicians. You lie to our faces and make selfish promises behind our backs. If the tables were turned, you all would be barking up another tree… and the thing is, you know this. You know you are just looking out for yourself. How do you sleep at night? How? Drugs? Alcohol? Mind alternating hypnosis treatments?  

I have one final question for you (which actually will likely turn into more)… can you even comprehend the extraordinary and amazing good in this world we all could do, if we stood united? If all the good came together to fight the evil (the real evils, not Obamacare) and the terror that plagues our soil and that soil of every country around the world? Can you even imagine…? [insert John Lennon’s Imagine here]  I’m finding it very hard to believe that you can. It makes me terribly sad and disappointed… and even ashamed and embarrassed of our great country… from the amber waves of grain to sea to shining sea… that I even feel the need to be writing this.

You want to know what our forefathers think about the country these days, what they were thinking when they wrote the Constitution? Well… you can’t. They are all dead. They can’t explain themselves… unless you use a Ouija board and contact their spirits. In that case, spill the beans! Inquiring minds want to know!

So everyone that says they “know” what they would think or what they thought, are just using them as a tool to express their opinion, not that of Thomas Jefferson and crew. So you want to know what I think? (I’m going to tell you regardless, you know.) I think they’d say, “Those bloody wankers still believe everything we wrote 237 years ago and take it literally! Don’t they know to be progressive with their thinking, like we were, and not stick to the same ole tired and out dated beliefs of yesteryear?! Hi-ho! Pass the mead! A jolly good time we shall have laughing our arses off at their tomfoolery.”

Sincerely (and get it together, already),