Thursday, September 17, 2015

a new fool in an old game.

It's official... I'm online dating. After carefully selecting my simple and sarcastic answers, deleting my profile and all my questions I had answered... [Caution! Rant Ahead! because you can't make certain changes once you set up an account. some things are private, some are public. I just didn't know who could read or see what!? So I just deleted my original profile and started over - this in itself almost made me throw in the towel. Why are so many people single? Maybe because your website sucks! End of Rant!]

...I debated between two pictures - one of me in Cusco with a baby sheep (you know, to show I'm sweet with an adventurous travel side) or one with me and two attractive friends. I chose the latter. Mainly because if I had these dudes guess which one I was and they were wrong... then I would send them directly to jail. They would not pass go, most certainly not collect $200 and that would be the end of them. Easy, Peasy. Lemon, Squeezy. So at 11:40pm, I posted the picture and just like that, I was finally circulating in the online dating pool. (hmmm, I feel kinda dirty now.)

The next morning at 8:45am, I logged in to see 53 visits, 54 likes and 10 messages. Pretty decent I thought having nothing to compare it to. (seriously though, my all-to-hesitant ego actually appreciated this.) My friend who is also single and online dating (who will now be referred to as "Stephanie" in all future posts) said that it's normal to be bombarded with people contacting you when you first get online. It's like they can smell the fresh, untainted meat over the interwebs and their loins race to be first at the trough. (uhhh, it just got a little dirtier up in here.)

I quickly read through the messages... and well, to say that I'm underwhelmed would be an understatement. I mean this whole scrolling through peoples faces is still creeping me out... and to know these dudes were "checking me out" is weird. I'm just not wired to receive compliments or attention. I have a touch of social anxiety and although, I'm not an introvert (I'm more of a shy extrovert - I read a book about it in college, ok?) this whole putting myself out there and talking to strangers is completely out of my comfort zone... which truth be told, is probably going to be good for me.

I will answer every single mundane message sometime this weekend with an open mind and witty sense of humor. (even to lvswomensfeet and i hate my feet being touched... EW!) If you don't hear from me in the coming week, don't send out a search party. I've just died of boredom via small talk. No worries though, I died where I was meant to - alone in my living room next to an empty bottle of wine... or two.

*Disclaimer: Male egos might be harmed in this process.

A New Fool In An Old Game - Reba McEntire