Wednesday, September 23, 2015

everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like they do.

In light of the misogynistic coffee scandal (if you are not in the know, just google Waking Life podcast) I have decided to not only stop blogging about my latest experiment into online dating, but to stop it all together. Although, I am by NO means comparing what I'm doing to what these jabroni's did, it just made me second guess my motives for doing it.

I have answered a few messages and I found myself being very short, sarcastic, aloof and felt like I was heading straight to Mega Bitch Town. From the get-go, I was hesitant, but said I was going to be open-minded about online dating even though it totally creeps me out. Well, it still makes me very uneasy and I'm not being as open-minded as I could be... and honestly, I don't want to be. I wish I could take it as flattery and have a fun, flirty time with it. But I don't and I'm not. It's just not how I am built. Although it's lovely this time of year, Mega Bitch Town is not a place I want to live.

I have written about how bored I am with these messages and how some of the screen names are ridiculous... but I would never publicly shame or exploit someone via my personal experience with them. I never would intentionally hurt someone's feelings... and I don't want to unintentionally do it either. I suppose me and my high expectations were just hoping for a bit more originality. For someone to stand up and prove me wrong. (Contrary to popular belief, I do sometimes like to be proven wrong. That means someone went the extra mile to knock down a wall and in the end will gain a lifetime of mad respect from me.)

I know there are some super cool dudes online dating... as I'm sure there are some real big douche-bags too. The thing is, I believe you are guilty until proven innocent. So it would have taken a pretty hefty effort to have changed my mind and I wasn't even giving these dudes a chance. I had already decided they lost the race before they were even outta the gate... and that's on me.

We all want to be special and to feel special. But how special can one feel, when you are receiving and sending messages to multiple people with the same intention... and sometimes with the exact same words. It's like aimlessly floating in a great big ocean fishing for something to bite. Will you catch the most spectacular fish you've ever seen or just an old tangled mess of garbage? Probably the tangled mess of garbage because your're using the same ole used up bait for all your fishing trips. Effort is minimal, therefore the reward will be minimal. (I think the "other fish in the sea" saying just finally made perfect sense to me.)

So this short, albeit entertaining, chapter has come to a close... and I'm so relieved. I've felt so exposed and anxious knowing that people are out there shopping for a potential mate and I was one of the many faces in their buggie. It's just all so disingenuous to me... or maybe I'm just full of shite and needed a justifiable reason to throw in the towel. (One of my besties is likely to argue this point - you know who you are!)

So yes, Netflix... Yes, I am still watching yet another episode of [insert show title here] - Please Continue... indefinitely.

Back 2 Good - Matchbox Twenty

PS: A sincere thank you to the 163 dudes that "liked" me and the 30 of you that took time out of your busy day to message me. I'm sure you are all great guys and best of luck in all your future endeavors. Except the one dude that was married, looking to have an affair - I hope your wiener falls off and your balls shrivel up into little raisins.